Things By Mike

A few years ago my cousin Jonathan scored a part in a local indie horror flick titled “Hush”, directed by some woman I’ve never heard of. According to my cousin the footage shot for the film was far less than stellar and the acting by most involved wasn’t much better. As you can imagine I’ve been dying to see this “masterpiece” since I first learned of it back then. I almost got my chance last night.

After THREE years the woman who directed the flick, which I should mention is a 25 minute short film, finally sent two copies of what I guess is supposed to be the final cut of the movie. They showed up at my uncle’s place (Jonathan’s father). We decided we’d make it at an evening of hanging out with Jonathan’s parents, munching pizza and wings and watching the film. Our friend Bruce and Jonathan’s wife also joined us. Bruce also hasn’t seen the film, so both he and I were looking forward to it.

So, let’s set the stage a little. Jonathan tore open the envelope sent by the director which revealed two unmarked, slim, black DVD cases. Classy. Inside each were Memorex brand blank DVDs with the word “Hush” scribbled on the face of each. I knew I must certainly be in for a treat after witnessing the time and love this director put into packaging her film. I could hardly wait.

Jonathan proceeded to insert the first disc into the DVD player – “Disc error”. Great. He then tries the second one – “Disc error”. Lovely! We both then say to each other, “I bet she burned it as a freakin’ divx file.” Sooo, Jon’s wife volunteers to head back to their place, grab their divx player and bring it back so we can properly watch the stinkin’ film.

Ten minutes later she returns.

Jonathan’s dad, who is pushing sixty and refused any help, managed to move the giant entertainment center by himself, just enough so he could get behind his LCD tv and hook up the divx player. I’m sure you can guess what happened next.

The disc still wouldn’t play.

At this point we decided to just say “screw it” and ended up watching The Big Lebowski which I think I can safely say is an infinitely better flick than the indie horror film. How can I say this even though I still haven’t seen the horror film? I just know.

By the way I brought one of the copies of the horror film home with me last night, thinking maybe I could figure out just what the heck format the file was in. It wasn’t. The disc was blank.